Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters
let your heart out.
let your heart out.
this is horrible.
i feel like every part of my body have been torn apart.
i feel so so so much pain and ive no idea why im feelg this way.
yvette ! gosh please i need to talk to you like n o w ! /:
ooookay, guess everything's just messed up now and im lookg forward for Amplify.
i need to be brought back into that wonderful comfortable space where i can tell myself that God still loves me.
(he does, doesnt he ?)
i cant tell who the good ones are, who the bad ones are.
im so tired of trying, rlly tired.
anyhow, im already replaced.
so quick, so easily.
now who do i turn to ?
oookay, not say im made to feel important but i just like knowing that i have them around.
sigh, guess it's too late.
& stop making me feel extra lousy.
it's not helping, really.
im feeling lousy enough and i need more reassurance.
i dont need you to keep bringing me down.
ahhh, i need to talk to carissa !
i need to fill you in with lots & lots now that youre done with your camp.
guess i feel only certain people can really really relate to.
so so few of the many friends around me.
Everyone needs compassion, the kindness of a Saviour.
Let mercy fall on me.
let your heart out.
REGRETS I'VE A FEW.
couldnt understand why.
couldnt give myself an answer.
the heavy heart,
the heavy burden,
i'll carry with me as i leave.
jus give me that one chance to undo it.
i'll come back.
let your heart out.
i didnt think all that happened would mean so so so much to me. i realised that many of my character traits had not only came from my parents but from her, my grandma(: she taught me so many things that i think without her i'd be such a loser and a cacat rubbish. everything's just flashing through my head now. im shocked that i can even remember such information. they're as clear as crystal flying through my head right as im typing this post.
the inside of the house, the aircon that i always switch on, the toilet that i spend so much time in, the running treadmill, the small little table we eat at. goodness, i feel like im inside the house right now. it's just amazing. ive never thought about all these before and it's only now that i realise all these memories have been kept so close to my heart. if i had a choice, i'd still choose growing up with my grandma. being sent to my grandma's place every morning before my dad goes to work (which meant that i had to wake up exceptionally early) was not dreadful at all. blessing in disguise huh. small little sacrifices like waking up early was exchanged for big big big presents that cant even be compared with those little sacrifices.
honestly, i feel that im not making any sense. i mean everything's not being processed and i find it so difficult to express all my thoughts. it's just like a movie playing in my head now. how i wish there's a connector that can help transfer all these thoughts into the computer and change them all into words. all that's in my head now are pictures, oh ! those wonderful pictures. some frozen, some moving (like those in Harry Potter).
my grandma played such a big and important role in making me who i am today. thank you mama (: i guess you wouldnt understand all that im feeling now. it's probably difficult for one to connect and feel the way im feeling now. i dont blame you (:
she taught me how to cycle, how to play badminton, how to bowl, how to swing on the swing myself, how to climb the monkeybars etc etc etc. i think i would be such a loser if not for her ! i'll never forget how she stands behind us, holding on to the back of the bike trying to help us cycle straight. heh(: thinking back, she wasnt that young ! haha ! i remember her trying so hard to run after us, run as we were on the bike cycling. gosh. such an amazing grandma !
i learnt how good marmite tastes ! i learnt how to eat soyasauce with rice-plain. i learnt the art of colouring. yes, my grandma rocks at colouring okayy ! :D yay for her ! she taught us how to dance the tango and the cha cha chas. she was such an amazing dancer. (she won many many awards. she was a dancer last time okay ! powerrrr right ?) she knew how to make glue. yes, make them. she'd stir this and that together and bam ! glue(: it's so sad that right now she cant remember how to make the glue. it's a wonderful memory that i hope to relive, but she cant remember how to ): guess it's my fault for not taken the effort to remember.
she taught me how to climb on top of the monkey bars, swing down from the monkey bars, hang upside down too ! she's just the coolest, really. the little 'mountain climbing' things they have at the playgrounds used to seem big&huge. she taught me how to climb those things. wow, come to think of it, she taught me alot of things. -shocked.
those wonderful family outings. the five families together, going to Sabah&Australia. Australia was just the best place huh. it was simply the best holiday. yes, i've been to many wonderful places but it's one of those holidays that i remember so clearly. the super uncletay who was the only one who dared going out into the cold winter wind while the rest of us stayed in the airport terminal (while waiting for the minivan). the opening of the wrong door and how the guest woke up and opened the door. heh ! the play-cooking time my cousins&i had while the rest went out for supper. we had Chicken Porridge for supper, cooked by my grandma. i think i've never tasted better Chicken Porridge !
the farm stay, the Margaret River, the many different places we went together. the Addidi-Adidas models (: the Kikoman Special Soya Sauce. the open attic with beds, the midnight movie and icecream after. omg, you should try going on a holiday with all your cousins ! i remember so vividly.
my grandma's just the best. she's the one who calls up and checks on me etc. ahhh (: it's so sad that the number of times we've met has decreased so so much. now talking to her so little means that ive forgotten many many teochew words. i find it so hard to construct a proper sentence when im talking to her. ahhh ): it's sad, it's sad.
many many thoughts have been running through my head. the many memories that ive kept close to my heart without me knowing have been triggered cos of that oral topic. if i was asked a question that required me to talk about these memories, i'd cry infront of the examiners. i think it's something i treasure so much and something i'm trying to save. i've been pushing for more family holidays but it's difficult to have since everyone's now older. different school holidays, difficult to get leave from work. many many things that has now stopped us from going for a family holiday. but definitely, i'll not forget the wonderful trips we've gone for. it brought all of us closer together and guess that's why we cousins are so close.
i wonder what will happen on the day everything is lost. i dont want to look back thinking that i've wasted precious time and think of the times we could've done this&that. or maybe we should've done this&that. i dont even want to think of the day i'd feel such overwhelming grief and sadness.
In everything, give thanks ! and yes, this is something i treasure and something i'd never stop giving thanks to God for. Praise the Lord with all my heart, praise him for he has done great things !
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA (:
NI SHI SHANG DI GEI WO DE SHEN MING TIAN SHI.
AI SI NI LE ! <3333
let your heart out.
the wonderful memories, the wonderful people i've met. wow, nothing can ever replace that. of course, i treasured my psl days. i'll never forget them ! but the days in council have also been amazing. guess my secondary school times would be one of the most amazing phases of my life.
never have thought that we'd cry on stage. that was quite drama (: but it showed how much effort we had put into council. one whole year of ups and downs, the many Tuna-snack recess meetings and all the early mornings ! goodness, there's just so many things that even if i was given a chance, i would not have exchanged it for anything.
those little babies that have journeyed with us through this crazy year are precious to me. looking at them cry yesterday (especially lia!) really showed me that council did mean something to them.
thank you all for everything ! if not for you guys, this year wouldnt have been such a memorable year. keep working hard ! dont give up. all of you have proven yourself worthy of being the Students' Council. continue being great servant leaders ! may you do your duties from the bottom of your heart. keep improving and give all you can. be the best that you can be.
leslie, dont give up. you have what it takes ! keep going. keep going. (: you've done so much for council even tho you came in much later than the others. thank you for that.
lailin, keep that cheery self ! there's this sudden burst of joy overflowing from you. all of a sudden im seeing you so happy and free ! thats what i want you to feel when you're in council. dont think of it as a chore yeah ! have fun just go all out and have fun. thank you for everything !
anne&heidi, like i said, i really like it when i see the two of you working together. maybe it's from the psl days when you guys were always together. i always feel so happy when i see both of you discussing work. anne, voice your comments. dont keep it in. you've very good suggestions and council needs your opinions kay. heidi, dont let the smile on your face fade away. it's going to be a demanding year but dont forget to have fun. dont let the stress get you down. to the both of you, all the best ! lead the council to the best of your ability !
sherilyn, congrats on being the President ! it's going to be one crazy year but i have faith in you (: may your cheery self be of help ! share the joy and passion with the others. lead welll !
TO MY DEAREST EXCOS (:
thank you thank you. there's so many things that happened in this year. i cant believe a whole year has passed, rlly. you mean we survived all the Tuna-snack meetings, the late online meetings and the many many others ? heh. it's really been amazing.
thank you for the never-ending support you've given me even tho sometimes i feel i dont deserve it. thank you for the wake-up calls that you guys give me even tho sometimes it feels like my heart's been pierced right through. i'll never forget the KFC lunchings, the gossip sessions and the 'lets-go-crazy' times. of course, camwhoring moments !
and for the two that helped me fit right into council when i first started:
cho, thank you for always being there. even tho we've been talking much less than we did last time, thank you for always reassuring me that you're there. i treasure our friendship millions and i'll never want to lose it. thank you for always been so compromising and accepting. there's just a million and one things i want to thank you for. really. but i guess i just cant put them into words. can the tears flowing down my face right at this moment speak for me ? can we turn back the clock ? i love you ! <3333
jia, you've always been the crazy and lame one that gets us all into the happy mood. and for that i've to thank you. you never fail to share your joy with others. guess i'll never be able to be like you ! stay strong (: i like the times you cry. dont get me wrong, but because thats when i know how you truly feel. you're one who keeps a strong front and when you let your tears flow, i feel they're really genuine. thank you for being you. loves !
both of you were the ones who supported and guided me when i first started. it was the both of you that gave me so much support and pulled me up whenever i fell. as you improved, both of you had brought me along so that i'll be able to step up and improve too. for that, thank you ! guess many things happened in between, we've drifted and we've been speaking less. but the days of singing together, the many sharing sessions will always be remembered. whenever i talk to you guys, the old days will always be replaying in my head. weird (: but i really treasure those amazing days !
there're so many things i'd like to share with you guys. but guess it's so difficult to find time to stay back till school closes. lets go kboxing! cho, i need your advice for so many things but guess recently all we've had time for was council. now that it's all over, lets hope things go back to how it was.
to the others who've shaped me, who've guided me along, thank you. this i say from the bottom of my heart. you guys have been so amazing and this short journey with you guys would be brought along with me as i continue my life journey.
once a Kc Student Councillor, always a Kc Student Councillor.
i am a Kc Student Councillor.
Cheers to the 1st Students' Council
let your heart out.
but it's been great fun sitting with qin ai de :D you've no idea how much noise we make and how crazy we get in class. and boy ! i absolutely enjoy annoying her ! i need to get that tattoo ! never imagined that we would be so crazy together.
thankyou for those pictures ! it's so sweeeet.
it's been a great week knowing that 166/173 is always there for us to run and complain to. but that bummer is always so tired so we'll leave her alone sometimes (:
Mass Dance was wow. i cant wait for the next time we learn the continuation. it's the best thing(: dance dance !
Amplify Fridays have been excellent. the company's great, the praise&worship is great, the food's great and being able to feel the Holy Spirit surrounding the room is wow. the crazy Hospitality team are still as crazy as ever ! those people make the atmosphere lighter (: much thanks ! <3
guess i really felt the whole different atmosphere. i've always known that it's been easier, it's been less pressurizing with them. but it was yesterday(during the bbq) that i really really experienced the amazing wonderful difference. i could be me. i didnt have to fake, i didnt have to lie about anything. i didnt have to worry about fitting in. i just said and did whatever was me. nothing was wrong at all (: thats the coolest thing. things that worried me so much with the other group was nothing with them. it's not that the other group is bad, dont get me wrong. the other group's as great. the company is great too. but it's difficult on the other side. there're so many more things to worry about. the whole drama, everything. (it's difficult to express it) guess i really feel so easy&happy with these people. gosh, it was just great. the sharing session, the lil praise&worship session, the swimming pool soccer, the swimming pool monkey. it was just woahhh(:
the best part is, i dont feel 'obliged' to do anything with these people. i dont feel that extra baggage that i thought i might have to carry around when i joined them. it was so different. with these people, i felt even lighter. they helped me carry my baggages, to let go of 'em. thank you babes&dudes ! the new friends ive made(: lollipop ! caroline ! and of course the other facils etc (: whatever happens, i guess i know these people are always supporting and pulling me up. the constant 'checking up', the weekly meetings and fellowship is good, rlly good.
of course, i still treasure the friendships i made with the other group (: they're still as great. just that the drama's kinda becoming this 'wall' thats blocking us out from each other. there's always this 'distance' that i feel. there's always this choice to make. the many many choices thrown onto me. it's either you cross over the wall and remain there, leaving the rest of the world on the other side. or, stay where you are and leave the other group on the other side of the wall. haha. shhite, im making it sound so bad. but guess maybe it is ? -oooppps. (reflecting on the drama and everything thats been going on)
hmm, i should just stop comparing. i like things the way they are now. some might not like it, but i feel happy&contented. things are going well even though i've still 45 literature essays to complete. /: yes crystal, JUST 45 :D alright.
i need to thank crystal, officially (: the many many sacrifices she does for her friends. the wonderful laughter & joy she brings everyday. (she helps me stay awake during chem&math tuition and in school !) it's been great having her around. thank you T-bag dear (:
in burning light, the plan is laid.
if you love me i wanna know !
let your heart out.
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